Random Thoughts

While I sit here at work I have lots of time to ponder, and think random thoughts, so I thought I would share them with you....

I am now 3 weeks and 5 days away from my due date, not that I am counting... (by the way my ticker is wrong at the bottom of the page) and suddenly its all very real. I mean, I knew all along that pregnancy = baby... duh, its my third time around, but until you really look back on those first few days of new baby, you don't really remember. Everything about it just seems like a blur when I remember Bentley and Chloe's first few days. Transition from zero kids to one was a breeze, and from one kid to two wasn't too bad either, but what if this time its like a national disaster? Jesus will be around even less because of work, but luckily I will have my mom and grandma as often as they can be there. I am sure it will all be fine, but there is always the what if...

Bentley starts preschool in less than two weeks. What if baby picks that week to come? I already have alternate transportation lined up just in case (thanks Megan!), but I really want to be there for him as much as possible. He is so excited about going to school, but I really scared to leave him there. I have left him at babysitters and things, but I wonder how he will do in a structured environment like school. I know I am over-analyzing it, but once again... what if?

There is nothing set in stone yet, but I may have an opportunity to come back to work full time mornings rather than part time evenings. It would mean a better schedule, and better pay, but I am so torn about what to do. If the timing was different, say even 6 months from now, I would have no questions. But do I really want to find a babysitter for 30 or so hours a week for such a little baby? Do I want to stay home and be a stay at home mom or a working mom? I know there are times when I want to stay home and be with my kids, but after a few days I get itching to go back to work. I have pro's and con's both ways. Part of me wants to stay home and nurture my children, do craft projects and play fun games, but part of me feels the need to work, to contribute to the income (as minimal as it has been). I see both sides of the argument and can't decide what is best for me. I know that eventually this decision will have to be made by Jesus and I based on what is best for our family, but I would love any opinions on the matter.

Lastly, I don't know if its because I am pregnant and have no patience, or because we bought a retarded dog, but I am ready to kill the thing. She chases the kids around pulling on their pants, shorts, diaper or underwear and really bugs the kids. So the kids are whiny and crying, and I wanna kick Belle across the room! They love the dog but when she gets excited she starts to bite, nothing hard, and had never drawn blood or anything, more just annoying. Plus her nails are really sharp, but that is easily remedied by a trip to Petco for a doggy pedicure. Any tips on how to train a dog to not torture kids without killing her first? :)